Failing…

shadowed woman failing

 

My lifelong battle with time has recently come to a gigantic head. Lovely.

I’m clinging to the hope that this season represents the “breakdown before the breakthrough”, a concept I recently learned about on my friend Lisa Williams’ podcast, Life With Lisa Williams (listen to this episode here). I can practically feel the infectious matter within threatening to burst forth (sorry so graphic, but the struggle is ugly, sisters).

I’ve gotten a big fat F on the majority of our recent family dinners…if you read me with any regularity you know I’M NO GOURMAND.

Sigh.

And, we’re in the beginning of a challenging extracurricular season (what a joke, right? As if we don’t have enough to do with homework and housework and WORK-work and life as it is, we pile on activities, both ours AND our kids…don’t get me started. As Jen Hatmaker would say, “For the love!” But, I digress…).

With one child currently in three night’s worth of activities and the other in one, family dinner is becoming more and more scarce. But I am the stubborn-est, and I will NOT let it go by the wayside. And so I rush to throw food on the table in time for us to eat hurriedly and run out the door to drive kids places…but of course, “on time” is never how it quite turns out.

For example: this Monday, I started dinner at 5:50. We didn’t eat until 7:15. (Don’t ask–I can’t even wrap my head around it. Hopeless.) And that wasn’t even an extracurricular night!

Last week, despite my best efforts, we ended up choking down dinner and late to every single activity. FAIL.

Sometimes things get so ridiculous, all you can do is laugh…and cry. Sometimes all at once. As my husband took over dinner-making on Monday, he taunted, “So, when are you going to open your restaurant?” (Giggle/grimace.)

My only saving grace is how hard I try…my dear husband says it’s “endearing”. Well, I’m glad he can find the humor in all of it, but it feels a whole lot like being dubbed special, like our good friend, Elf. I really do try–HARD. But my efforts always seem to backfire–into a veritable dumpster fire.

Listen, the struggle is real for us time challenged people…it may appear like a lackadaisical existence, strolling in whenever the heck we feel like it, missing deadlines left and right just for kicks; but in reality we beat ourselves up constantly. Feel less than. Like failures; that we can’t get places on time, be reliable, accomplish things, let our yes be yes…

And we live in this alternate universe called Insanity, continually doing over and over the thing that simply does NOT work for us, convincing ourselves that THIS TIME, we’ll defy reality and logic and all else that is reasonable and sound…thereby never getting anywhere when we need to be there. Thereby rarely reaching our full potential.

Thereby staying STUCK.

I’m tired of living here, tired of failing, tired of taking time’s beating…I know God has more for me–He must.

I have much to accomplish in this season…He’s asking big things of me. I must shake time’s hold on me. I don’t have TIME for this…

Breakthrough, please, Lord. And hurry!!

“The Lord has taken away your punishment, he has turned back your enemy…The Lord your God is with you and He is mighty to save.” Zephaniah 3:15-17 (NIV)

{Stay tuned for more of my journey, in “Making Peace With Time”…} 


peace with time

{Making Peace With Time is a blog series chronicling my struggle to harness and live peaceably with time, finding the blessing in all of it. Time, it’s a gift from above…may its Creator use this journey to wash my eyes, that at the end, I might behold it as such, victorious over my ticking captor…}

 

 

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