God Speaks

girl in clouds

 

My last post was “Failing”. And believe me, there’s plenty more where that came from…I promise to delve deeper into the heart of my struggle with you, faithful readers. But first, I must share with you the hope happenings that have been bolstering me in the midst of my tussle with time…

I love it when I wake to a bit of Glory…when my first thought is unmistakably God-authored.

This happened a few weeks ago on a Saturday, when I awoke to a line from a Steven Curtis Chapman song, clear as day: “You have given us a new name.” (From “Amen” by Steven Curtis Chapman) It was like an enveloping, ethereal embrace. Assuring me that God’s in all of this. All the hard. All the gut-wrenching defeat I’m feeling.

Assuring me that not only is He in it, but He’s redeeming it—every last wretched part. New mercies, every morning. So thankful.

 I texted my beloved counselor what God had done, and she texted this back:

“…and you shall be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will give.” Isaiah 62:2 (ESV)

 An exhale of HOPE, before the day’s battle had even commenced—God’s gift to me.

Yes, happily, there is always plenty of that in God’s provision—and it’s for me. And it’s for you

After marinating in this revelation for a few days, I finally asked God the question His declaration begged, journal in hand, pen poised (I’ll admit, half incredulously, because after so many years of struggle, breakthrough seems surreal).

But nonetheless I breathed, What’s my new name?

He responded immediately.

VICTORIOUS.

Breathe. Hallelujah…!!! 

That Steven Curtis Chapman song ends, “And all that we can say is AMEN!”

Indeed.

 AMEN.

 Since that Saturday morning, the Lord’s kept impressing that same song lyric on my weary heart over and over and over, in all the right moments…encouraging me to keep treading–breakthrough is near.

 But that Sunday, I stood up in church…desperate. For though I had been given a new name, I was still living under the shroud of my old ones: Late; Failure; Defeated; not yet experiencing the victory my new name promised. It was an altar call/desperation call for those of us in dire need of something, whether it was initial saving grace or just further grace from our Savior, and I was lining up for a helping of the latter.

My friend Kristin sat in solidarity with me there in the service, arm outstretched reassuringly to mine as I stood, undone before everyone in that naked silence. And afterwards, she told me about Baal Perazim.

When King David faced the formidable Philistines, he asked the Lord what he was to do, and for Almighty assurance of victory. God said, “Go,” promising David a win.

After emerging victorious, David named the battle site “Baal Perazim”, which means “God breaks through”, “The Lord overwhelms,” or “The Lord who bursts through.” (Biblia.com)

“…he said, ‘The Lord has broken through my enemies before me, like a breakthrough of water.’” 2 Samuel 5:20 (NKJV)

Mark it: this will be the name of the battle site in my soul: Baal Perazim.

Yes, my God will break through, and VICTORY over time will be mine, in Him. I can’t fathom how–though I’m desperate to connect the dots from here to glorious there. All I know is God has promised it. So now I wait…moving forward obediently in what I do know to do: keeping my eyes fixed on Him for the THROUGH He’s promised…

I also know this, friend: my new name; my Baal Perazim can be yours, too…

{Stay tuned for more of my struggle, in Making Peace With Time…}


peace with time{Making Peace With Time is a blog series chronicling my struggle to harness and live peaceably with time, finding the blessing in all of it. Time, it’s a gift from above…may its Creator use this journey to wash my eyes, that at the end, I might behold it as such, victorious over my ticking captor…}

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